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When I grew up in the 1990s, officials seemed to believe that the gender pay gap was most effectively handled by informing young women that they could do anything. Splashy, lurid pink ads assured me that systemic and societal barriers would fall in the face of my self-assurance.

Researchers have since debunked the idea that someone can fix their lives through upbeat attitudes. An author, in his book Selfie, unpacks how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities fuels much of personal development trends.

Nevertheless, a portion of my mind continues to think that by putting in the work and assemble a sturdy vision board, I can realize my deepest aspirations: the only thing standing between me and my destiny lies within myself. What is the path to a harmonious middle ground, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Key Is Found in Humility

The solution, according to an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, centers on meekness. Augustine stated that modesty was the foundation of each additional excellence, and that in the quest for the divine “the primary aspect involves humility; the following, meekness; the final, self-effacement”.

For a lapsed Catholic like me, the concept of meekness can evoke a range of negative emotions. I was raised during a period in Catholicism when focusing on physical beauty constituted the sin of vanity; sexual desire was frowned upon apart from having children; and even pondering solo sex was deemed a transgression.

It’s unlikely that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but for many years, I confused “modesty” with embarrassment.

Healthy Humility Does Not Involve Personal Disgust

Practicing humility, based on doctor Ravi Chandra, is not about hating oneself. A person with balanced humility values their abilities and successes while recognizing that knowledge is infinite. Chandra outlines multiple forms of modesty: respect for diversity; respect for elders and youth; intellectual humility; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; meekness in insight; reverence for the sublime; and meekness during hardship.

Psychological research has likewise discovered a range of benefits coming from modesty in intellect, including enhanced endurance, tolerance and bonding.

Humility in Practice

In my work providing emotional care with elderly residents, I currently view humility as the practice of being present to the other. Humility is an act of re-grounding: returning, breath by breath, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the individual across from me.

There are some residents who share with me identical stories from their lives, repeatedly, every time I see them. Rather than counting minutes, I attempt to hear. I aim to remain inquisitive. What can I learn from this person and the memories they hold onto amidst so much loss?

Creative Quietude

I attempt to embrace the spiritual mindset as described by scholar Huston Smith called “creative quietude”. Ancient Chinese sages advise people to quiet the ego and exist in harmony with the flow of creation.

This may be highly applicable while people attempt to fix the destruction people have inflicted upon Earth. In her book Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs clarifies that being humble enables us to rediscover “the animal inside, the being that trembles toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of ignorance, allows us to remember people are components of a larger whole.

The Elegance of Modesty

There is a barrenness and gloom that follows thinking everything is possible: triumph – be it getting rich, shedding pounds, or gaining political power – turns into the sole valid outcome. Modesty allows for elegance and failure. I embrace meekness, grounded in reality, implying the essentials are available to grow.